


Got Me Feelin' Like A Stranger

by goddess_julie



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-25
Updated: 2014-10-25
Packaged: 2018-02-22 12:15:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2507402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goddess_julie/pseuds/goddess_julie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall notices that Liam has been pulling away to the point of outright hostility.  When everything blows up, will they be able to finally communicate and get to the heart of what has been going on?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Got Me Feelin' Like A Stranger

**Author's Note:**

> Angsty little piece of Niam fluff. No beta, all mistakes mine. I make no claims. Pics or it didn't happen.

They’ve all been together long enough for Niall to know when something is wrong. There are different levels of ‘wrong’, from something being ‘annoying’ to drag down all out war kind of fighting. Initially, he assumed that whatever was going on, was on the former side of things. They’d had a pretty long break between tours, longer than they’d had since they’d started this ride called One Direction. Everyone had gone their own way to just gain their space, become five individuals again as opposed to this one massive entity that they’d been treated as. They’d kept in contact, being so close for so long created a co-dependence that couldn’t go away overnight, wouldn’t no matter how hard they all tried to convince themselves and each other. But for the first time in three years, they had their own space, their own lives and they enjoyed it to the fullest.

That wasn’t to say they weren’t eager to get back to rehearsals for the new tour. For as relieved as they’d been to get some time off, they were just as eager to get back to work, making music and performing for the fans that had given them everything they’d ever wanted. It wasn’t until the North American leg of the tour that things started to get tense. They’d been on the road for far longer and with tighter schedules than this, but this was different. This felt dangerous.

In four years of being friends with Liam, Niall had never felt this awkwardness around him. A negative energy seemed to radiate from the other lad when they were in the same general vicinity. During shows everything seemed great, Liam would tease and joke with him and it was easy. Effortless. When they would exit the stage, Liam went back to being closed off. Niall would even go as far to say that Liam could be considered as hostile to him, if he wasn’t being so utterly polite about it. Gone were the days where Liam would giggle with him on the bus, play anything and everything Niall wanted to play just so they could sit in the lounge with him. Niall couldn’t even remember the last time Liam had called him Nialler, which was a far cry from the days he would refer to himself as Mrs Niall Horan and claim to be his biggest fan. 

If anything, Liam regarded Niall as public enemy number one as of late.

When Niall approached Zayn with his concerns, the other lad initially shrugged and went back to the comic he was working on. His suggestion was that Liam was Liam, outgoing when he wanted to be, and an introspective hermit the rest of the time. Liam hadn’t seemed to be acting strange to him, so it was probably Niall just misinterpreting things. 

“But it’s Liam?” Niall sighed sadly. “He’s never like that with me. If he’s being hermity he’ll cuddle up with me and let me keep him company in it. We’re NiallandLiam.”

“Things change Nialler, I’m sorry bro.” Zayn frowned as he saw how upset Niall was about it. He let the blonde curl up with him, tucking his face into Zayn’s shoulder to watch him draw. “You can hermit with me if you want?”

What he wanted was Liam, but seeing Zayn’s compassionate expression and soft smile Niall grinned and nodded. “A cuddle is a cuddle I s’pose.” He snorted when Zayn smacked him playfully. “I’m sorry Zayner, you’re my favourite to cuddle. No one cuddles as good as you.”

Niall meant it sarcastically but as he spoke, the door to the kitchenette where they sat opened and Liam stumbled in, catching the last of it. His eyes narrowed and Niall saw him frown, almost snarl at the two of them sitting here. He looked up to see Zayn’s eyes widen before Liam schooled his expression.

“Sorry, just startled me. Having a bad night and didn’t realize anyone was still up,” Liam said stiffly as he opened the fridge to pull out a can of soda.

“Leeyum, it’s barely ten o’clock,” Zayn said gently. “You okay?”

“Bad night,” he repeated without looking at Niall. “Gonna hit the bunks. Keep it down, yeah. Some of us want to sleep tonight.”

Niall curled further into Zayn’s shoulder, trying to keep his breathing even. When they were finally alone he pulled away to sit up straight. 

“That was…”

“Gonna go to bed. Maybe watch something on me laptop,” Niall interrupted. He left no room for Zayn to speak, sliding into his bunk and closing the curtain so tight he was enveloped in total darkness. Instead of a movie, he slipped his ear buds in and flipped through his music collection on his ipod. When he found the playlist he was looking for, he ducked under his blankets and cocooned himself in, ignoring everything outside of his dark world for as long as he could.

The culmination of everything didn’t happen until a few weeks later and was the day that Niall finally reached his breaking point. He’d been late to sound check because he’d been talking to Greg about Theo and a trip to the A&E they’d taken the night before. Paul had told Niall to take his time with the call knowing that the blonde wouldn’t be able to focus if he was worried about his nephew. As he approached the far right wing of the stage where the guys had taken to sitting in between tuning up the instruments and fixing Harry’s microphone which kept cutting out when he’d shake his hand too much, Niall gave a shaky smile.

“Everything okay, mate?” Louis asked with a smile. “How’s the monster?”

Niall let out a deep sigh and laughed as he shook his head. “Fine. Ear infection, high fever. They’re all home and he’s taking his meds. Gonna be good.” He afforded himself a glance at Liam who was watching him without expression. It was as though he was going to speak when Niall felt Zayn wrap his arms around him from the side in a comforting hug. 

“That’s great, Nialler. Know how worried you were, how long it’s been since you’ve seen him.”

“Great, everyone’s fine. Can we please get back to work now that he’s finally here? Hard to do sound check for all of us when only four of us decided to show up.”

“Out of order mate,” Harry said, voice low and warning, while Louis only growled Liam’s name.

Niall had excessive nervous energy thrumming through his veins, which was why he spoke up when normally he would have just let it roll off his shoulders and moved on.

“You got somethin’ to say to me, mate?” He asked as he approached Liam.

“Absolutely nothing,” Liam shrugged. He turned his back on Niall which only further enraged him.

“Sounds like you do. Gonna be a man and talk to my face about it, or just take cheap shots.”

Harry and Louis were frozen in their spots on the stage, Zayn’s head turning back and forth from where Liam and Niall were standing, facing each other angrily. “Ni,” Zayn said. “Let’s go for a walk.”

“No, I want to hear what Liam’s problem with me is. What it’s been with me for the past three weeks.” Niall was focused solely on Liam, not mindful of his bandmates on the stage with them or the dozen or so crew standing around, watching. They had the attention of everyone in hearing distance and Niall didn’t care about anything, only the way Liam’s shoulders were practically to his ears, his back rigid with anger. He was clenching and unclenching his fists, but not looking at Niall. Liam was staring at Zayn.

“Better get your boyfriend under control, Zee.”

“Fuck you very much Leeyum,” Zayn hissed.

No one expected Louis to stalk angrily across the stage and grab Liam’s arm roughly as he got directly into his face. “This is not the time Payne. Not the time or the place.” 

“Never is when it’s me, is it Tommo?”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Louis asked, softer yet still angry. “You gonna really start a fight with two of your best friends? Right on stage in front of all of these people?” 

Liam looked around and took in all of the people who were standing around, not even pretending that they weren’t watching shamelessly. He turned to Niall and sneered. “Fuck you Niall. And fuck you Zee.” With that, he shook Louis’ hand off his arm and stormed towards the exit that would lead him to the dressing rooms. Niall, Louis and Zayn all looked at Harry who rolled his eyes and shrugged. 

“Guess that leaves me to go check up on him,” he sighed. “What the fuck was that?”

“No clue,” Louis rubbed his face tiredly. “Show’s over everyone. Please return to your regularly scheduled duties, One Direction the reality show will continue at a later date, I’m sure.”

An awkward laugh tittered through the crowd as they dispersed, leaving Niall shaking with rage and Zayn twitching for a fag. 

“You okay Ni?” Louis asked. 

“Fucking great,” Niall chirped with a fake smile. “I’m out. I don’t need this bullshit.” He walked off the stage into the long corridors that he knew would take him to solitude, even if just for a few hours.

No matter what happened off stage between them, it was law within the five of them that they would meet up in the quiet room an hour before a show. They had promised never to go on stage mad, never to bring arguments and anger to a show and compromise the experience the fans paid to see. Niall was the last to arrive, just making it in with two minutes to spare. The tension in the room was so thick it choked him. Niall immediately felt uncomfortable, he didn’t know how he was going to be able to handle the next hour let alone the two on stage when he had to pretend that he wasn’t two seconds away from either punching his best friend in the face or curling into a ball to cry.

“Well this is balls,” Louis called loudly, bringing their time to a start. “What the actual fuck is going on boys? Anyone want to start?”

“I’m still waiting for an answer from Liam,” Niall said as he threw himself on the couch beside Zayn. “When the fuck did it become so hard for you to be in a fucking room with me?”

“You’re barking,” Liam rolled his eyes as he laid down on one of the other couches and covered his face with his arms.

“No Leeyum,” Zayn’s voice was sharp, angry. “At first I thought Nialler was crazy but now I’m not so sure. What is the problem?”

“I’d like to know too,” Harry said softly. “I mean, not that it’s with Niall in particular, but what’s wrong Li? You’re so angry. You were fine and then all of a sudden you hulked out.”

“Don’t wanna talk about it Haz,” Liam’s voice was definitive. He left no room for argument.

“So here’s the deal. Either you talk about it, or we don’t go on,” Louis threatened, catching everyone’s attention. Liam sat up quickly, glaring at Louis as though he had betrayed him.

“Excuse me?”

“Well, we work this out, right now or we don’t go on.” Louis crossed his arms over his chest, his jaw clenched and eyes hard.

“Lou, you can’t do that,” Zayn whispered as he looked back and forth between the others. He saw the same shock on Niall and Harry’s faces, only anger on Liam’s.

“Watch me,” Louis never took his eyes off of Liam. “So are you going to…”

“We can go on, this won’t affect the show. It hasn’t before.”

“So you admit it, there has been something going on,” Niall stood up, more shocked than angry at the admission. All of the fight had gone out of him and now he was just tired. It was all real, he hadn’t imagined Liam pulling away. “Mate, what did I do to make you hate me so much?” There was a moment when he saw the ice in Liam’s gaze melt before it was back before settling into cool indifference.

“Maybe it’s not about you Niall. Maybe the world just doesn’t always revolve around you. Get over yourself.”

With tears in his eyes and a watery smile, Niall nodded. He shook off the comforting hand Zayn had placed on his shoulder and held Harry off with the shake of his head. “Fine, Liam. You win. There is no problem. We’ll go on as we’ve been doing for the past few weeks. You’re right, no one’s noticed, no reason we can’t keep up the show.” He turned to Louis and looked deep into his eyes as he took a deep breath. “We’re cool Tommo.”

“We’re not cool,” Louis hissed. “This is not okay.” He flinched when Niall slapped his hand from where he’d tried to grab Niall’s wrist gently. 

“This isn’t about you,” Niall said. “This isn’t about any of you. Despite what he says, this is about me. And if I don’t have a problem with it you lot shouldn’t. We’re going on, with or without you Tommo. I’m making an executive decision. I’ll be back ten minutes before call.” With that, Niall walked out of the room, for the first time in four years breaking one of their cardinal rules.

The show that night proved just how professional Niall could be. He made sure that not one fan at that show could see just how broken he was inside, how confused he was and how he wanted nothing in that moment to have a car take him to the airport so he could fly back home and just escape this life for the next twenty years. How every time he looked over at Liam who was joking around with Harry, doing his silly dance with Louis or even giggling with Zayn over a sign they could see in the crowd, Niall wanted to cry. He played his part and counted the minutes before he could escape. They were in this city for the next two nights so they’d checked into a hotel when they had arrived earlier that morning.

He knew in the state of mind he was in, going out wasn’t an option. Instead, Niall had planned on just staying in and drinking himself into oblivion so he could sleep through the whole night and prepare to have to do the same thing the next day. Once the encore was done Niall was through the tunnel and into a car before anyone could catch their breath. He’d already arranged with Paul for a hasty exit and a room that the others didn’t know about. Having heard about the issues earlier that day, Paul agreed to Niall’s pleading that he just have a night where no one could find him. He would stay in the room so Paul would be able to keep tabs on him but he didn’t want the others finding him. 

He needed this time alone or else he was going to go crazy. Paul must have seen the desperation in his gaze because he didn’t question Niall. Just nodded and told him that he’d take care of it.

Niall drank the entirety of his mini bar plus the secret stash he always had in his bags just in case. He needed to forget everything. The pain he felt of Liam hating him, the question of whether it was because Liam had figured out how he felt about him and wasn’t comfortable with it. And that knowledge making it impossible for them to be in the same room with one another, let alone still friends. 

Liam was okay with Harry’s sexual fluidity. You couldn’t not be, because it was Harry and he was so confident in himself, so blatant about his sexuality that it wasn’t possible to be uncomfortable with it. But Niall figured that Liam had seen it in his eyes, felt it in every touch, every cuddle they had and that was why the sudden change of attitude. That hurt Niall more than anything. He could handle Liam not feeling that way about him, but to hate him for it, to be so disgusted by him that he had to tolerate him on stage was more than he could bear. 

When the hurt was less fresh the five of them were going to have to sit down and have a serious talk about the band and their future. He couldn’t continue on like this, knowing that it had the potential to come to blows like it had earlier that day at rehearsal. Niall had never been afraid of Liam before, until today when he genuinely thought Liam was a step away from punching him.

Liam, who loathed physical violence. Liam who wouldn’t hurt a fly looked like he would be more than happy to hurt him. All because of who Niall was.

Niall fell asleep, exhausted by the drink and the amount of tears he’d shed that night. It was a fitful sleep, interrupted the next morning when he heard a knock at the door. There were two short raps followed by three loud pounds of a fist and Niall groaned. It was Paul’s signature knock so that they knew to expect him to enter the room seconds later. As expected, Paul entered the room, stunned to see Niall still asleep.

“Get up Horan, you have four very frantic bandmates searching for you.”

“The fuck I do,” Niall moaned as he pulled the covers over his head and burrowed deeper in his bed. “I’ll be at the arena when I need to be. Ain’t nobody gonna miss me til then.”

“Where the hell is that Irish fucker?” A shrill voice echoed down the hall. 

“Lou, there are other people on this floor,” Harry sounded like he was running. Niall poked his head out of the sheets to look at Paul who had his head in his hands.

“I don’t fucking care Harold, I saw the elevator stop on this floor. Paul is here somewhere and he’s hiding Niall and I will fucking find him. NIALL YOU FUCKER, GET OUT HERE!”

“I think there is a much better way to handle this,” Zayn sounded worried. Niall felt his stomach flutter and he sighed. 

“Fuck, please collect them before someone complains,” Niall covered his head again. He heard the door open and Paul’s voice.

“Gentlemen,” he called.

Niall heard Louis voice cuss the other man out as he entered the room. He sounded livid.

“I don’t know where he is lads.” Louis parroted Paul’s voice perfectly. “You’ve been harbouring him all fucking night you wanker. What did you do with our Nialler? Where the fuck is he?”

The only voice Niall hadn’t heard was Liam. He didn’t want to focus too much thought on that. 

“Yes lads, it was this big undercover operation.” Paul’s voice was laced with sarcasm and Niall could picture him rolling his eyes.

“Well, where is he?” Harry asked.

“I said it was an undercover operation Harry.”

Seconds later Niall felt the bed dip. He held the blankets tight over him so that they wouldn’t expose him. He felt more comfortable, safer under the duvet. Harry’s face was the first to appear under the covers with him, a concerned smile on his lips, his eyes filled with worry. 

“Nialler,” he whispered. “You disappeared. I was scared.”

“WE were scared arsehole,” Louis popped in too, his smile forced to cover the tension in his jaw. He studied Niall’s face for a moment before pulling back. “You were here all night?”

Niall nodded. “Just needed time to meself. Think about things.”

Niall gasped as he felt someone sit on him, the scent of cigarettes and Zayn’s cologne filtering through the sheet. “You’re not fucking leaving,” he said loudly. Niall watched Harry’s eyes widen and Louis’ narrow. As he was about to speak, Zayn continued. “I know you Nialler and I know what you’re thinking, so you might as well cut that shit out now. You’re not going. This is fucking stupid and it’s gone on too long. We’re not doing this without you.”

Harry cupped Niall’s face and brought him in for a gentle kiss to his mouth, licking tenderly against his lips before pulling away. “Please Nialler,” he whispered. “It’ll be okay. I promise.” 

“You can’t promise that,” Niall whispered back, blinking back the tears that were collecting. “You don’t know.”

“No, he can’t,” Louis said just as softly against Niall’s jaw. “But together we can. And it will be. You know it will, because we’ll make it okay.” He too leaned in and kissed Niall, shocking him so much he opened his lips and let Louis lick into his mouth.

“Are you two snogging him?” Zayn whined from on top of Niall. “Focus boys, that’s not what we’re here for.”

“Pretty sure that is exactly what we’re here for,” Louis answered as he pulled away from Niall’s mouth with a smack of his lips. He flashed Niall a wink before kissing the tip of his nose affectionately. “We’ll see you at sound check?” 

Niall took a deep breath and nodded. 

“Promise?” Louis had to make sure.

“Promise Lou, not goin’ anywhere.”

He watched Harry grin widely as he too leaned in to kiss Niall’s nose.

“Take as much time as you need.” 

They slipped out from under the covers, leaving him only with Zayn still sitting above him on the duvet. He felt the other lad lean down and breathe heavily through the blankets. “I love you Nialler,” he said softly. “Was so worried about you all night. Didn’t sleep at all.”

Before Niall could respond, he heard Louis clearing his throat and gave a choked off laugh. 

“See you later,” Zayn pressed a kiss to his head before sliding off of him. A few seconds later he heard the door close and Niall let the breath he’d been holding out through his mouth in a slow exhale. He remained motionless under the blanket as his mind whirled a thousand miles a minute. He vaguely heard the sound of someone else breathing in the room. Slowly, he peeked one eye out from where he was hiding, shocked to see Liam sitting on the chair next to the desk by the window. He was watching Niall, barely moving.

“You been there the whole time?” Niall asked quietly. He saw Liam nod his head, an indecipherable expression on his face. 

“Came in with the lads.”

“Why didn’t you say anything? Thought you didn’t…”

“Didn’t want to talk in front of them. Doesn’t have anything to do with them, does it?”

Niall swallowed thickly as he sat up and shoved the blankets off of his face. He let them pool at his waist and shifted so that he was sitting against the headboard, his knees bent up against his chest. He watched Liam lean forward so that he could rest his elbows on his knees. Niall’s heart began to race, his pulse jumping. 

“Are you in love with Zayn?”

That might have been the last thing he would have expected to come from Liam’s mouth. Niall was so shocked that he couldn’t even find his voice to react. Liam raised his eyebrows, waiting for his answer.

“Niall?”

“Are you serious?” Niall asked.

“Very.”

“No. I am not in love with Zayn, Liam.” Niall tried to take a deep breathe to calm his nerves. “Where did that come from?”

“You used to seek me out. You used to spend time after a show with me, or if we had free time. Any time that we could, you’d spend it with me. And then one day …you just stopped. Whenever I’d look for you, you’d be curled up in Zayn’s bunk with him. Or wrapped around him. You replaced me and …” Liam looked up, his eyes hungry. “I don’t like sharing you. Not if it’s because you have feelings for Zayn and …”

“I don’t have feelings for Zayn,” a laugh bubbled from Niall’s throat. “It was just …seemed easier.”

“Easier?”

“Than having you find out that …It’s you. Thought you knew how I felt about you. Didn’t want me around you. Thought you hated me because I fancy you.” Niall’s words lit a spark in Liam, he was up and across the room in an instant, crawling onto the bed beside Niall. Crowding him against the headboard with their noses so close they were touching.

“Fucking hate seeing you with him. Not supposed to cuddle Zee. Not supposed to cuddle anyone but me.”

“You’re mental Liam,” Niall let out a burst of relieved laughter. “You’re upset that I’m not giving you enough attention, and I’m here thinking you hate me.” He stops laughing at the expression on Liam’s face, the sadness there. “I thought you hated me Liam.”

Liam shook his head as he cupped Niall’s face affectionately. “God no. I couldn’t hate you, could never hate you.”

“Could have fooled me,” Niall whispered. “You really …”

“God, I know Nialler. I don’t know what happened and it just made me crazy. And…” Liam slipped out of his tee shirt and his trackies, leaving him only in his pants as he slid under the sheets beside Niall. He pulled the duvet over them and wrapped them up together, pressing himself as close to Niall as he could. “I love you Niall. Thinking you were in love with Zayn was killing me.”

“Thinking you hated me was killing me Liam,” Niall said firmly. “Do you know how hard this has been for me? How close I was to just calling it all off?” Tears began to pool in the corner of Liam’s eyes, his gaze down and focused on the blanket beneath them.

“I’m so sorry,” Liam began, whispering the words over and over again until he was whispering it against Niall’s jaw. “I will do anything to prove it to you, to keep proving it to you until I make you believe it.”

“Kiss me,” Niall murmured against Liam’s cheek. He pulled away enough so Liam could grant his request. Their mouths met in an emotional, hungry and sloppy kiss. Liam’s tongue licked at the seam of Niall’s lips as he rolled them over and propped himself over him.

“I love you,” Liam growled as he deepened the kiss.

“I love you too Li,” Niall whispered back. He moulded his body against Liam who was relaxing with him, their bodies entwined under the blankets. “Can we..”

“Can we what Nialler?” Liam asked, stroking his fingers through Niall’s hair, pressing his mouth against the blonde’s throat. 

“Just …lay like this?” Niall was almost embarrassed by the request. Of all the things they could be doing with this time together, this time alone, all he wanted was just this. To lay in Liam’s arms, feel their bodies pressed together and enjoy the simplicity of it. He’d missed this closeness with Liam and wanted to enjoy it while he had it. There was still a part of him that was worried it wouldn’t last.

“Yeah, babe.” Liam pressed a kiss to Niall’s forehead. “Yeah. Anything.” When they were curled together, their breathing in sync Liam spoke again. “Haven’t slept in weeks.”

“Me neither.”

Both were asleep before the conversation could go any further. Neither heard the soft beep of the door disarming, gentle hands pushing it open slowly and with great hesitation.

“Bout damn time,” one voice whispered with obvious relief. 

Two heads nodded in agreement, gazes fond on their best friends who were wrapped around each other, mirroring smiles on their lips and fingers laced at Niall’s waist.

Zayn sighed. “Gonna need to find someone new to cuddle with.”

“I..” Harry started, cut off as Louis pulled them both from the room. Zayn gave a barely audible snort.

“Can you promise to keep your clothes on?” 

Harry gave a guilty smile and a shrug. Zayn shook his head. 

“Have to talk to Leeyum about a time share with Niall. Maybe they’ll let me cuddle with them.” As the door shut, Louis allowed a full volume snort.

“Good luck with that Zayner. Might as well get over Harry’s nakedness now, ain’t no way Payno is gonna let you near his boy now.”

With a pout Zayn followed the other two down the hall. “Need to get me some new friends.”

“Fuck you Zee, we’re a catch. Come on let’s go play with Leemo’s clothes to mess with him. Won’t even expect it and you know how he gets when his clothes don’t fit right.”

Cacking, the three friends ran through the hall and towards Liam’s room, relieved that things were back to normal.


End file.
